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Dan Savage once observed that “most adult bisexuals, for whatever reason, wind up in opposite-sex relationships.” Whether or not you’re a fan of Savage (or his sometimes dubious takes on bisexuality), the statistics support his assertion: The massive 2013 Pew Research LGBT Survey found 84 percent of self-identified bisexuals in committed relationships have a partner of the opposite sex, while only 9 percent are in same-sex relationships. Because on the surface, the fact that 84 percent of bisexuals eventually wind up in opposite-sex partnerships could appear to support the notion that bisexuality is, as people so often insist, actually either “just a phase” or a stepping-stone on the path to “full-blown gayness.” Knowing that wasn’t true, I decided to investigate.
When I started dating a woman for the first time after years of happily dating men, I had a go-to joke ready for when I was called upon to explain my sexual orientation to the confused: “I’m half gay.
Only on my mom’s side of the family.” I’m one of those people who’d always misguidedly “hated labels,” and I actively eschewed the term “bisexual” for years.
As I grew older and more aware of my sexuality, however, I realized that I was very attracted to men as well, just in a different way. Woman A: There was never a coming-out process for me when it came to friends at school — in our social circle, there were a lot of LGBT folks.
Everyone just kind of knew and no one was judged about it in our group.
At our best, bisexuals are queer ambassadors: We’re out here injecting queer sensibilities into the straight world, one conversation and one relationship at a time.