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No woman ever seems to pick up my signal.’It was true.

‘I struggle, Mum,’ misery rising off him like steam.‘Maybe women will forever find me freakish and geekish?

’ he said sadly, after a girl he’d asked out told him he was a loser. But the profile Julius wrote – ‘Come and join me in my magic world where relationships are at their very zany best’ – tended to put girls off.

Kerb crawling for your child would prove a pretty hard concept to explain to a judge. But I have never been happier than the day my son got his first girlfriend.