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All assclowns are emotionally unavailable, are narcissistic or certainly have narcissistic tendencies, in some instances are sociopaths, but whatever label you might want to put in psychiatric terms, bottom line is that they don’t mean you any good, regardless of how charming they can be at times, and they veer between, at best, being users and at worst, being very dangerous.

You know they’re an assclown when they rely on The Outrageous Principle and busting your boundaries – They’ll take a chance and ask or do the most ridiculous thing to test to see what they can get away with, and with your little or no boundaries, taking this risk often pays off.

You’re very likely to be caught out by this if you buy into the fairy tale illusion and don’t think it’s very odd when a someone you hardly know is making grandiose promises and gestures that start to dwindle sharply.

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An assclown is someone that deliberately and consistently goes out of their way to treat you without love, care, trust and respect.

They add little or no value to the relationship and the cost to you of being with him/her is often your self-esteem, your well-being, and in some instances, your career, family, friends, finances and more.

They only have one foot or possibly even a toe in the relationship, or even nothing at all, and they knowingly (even if they deny it) mess you around and enjoy the fringe benefits of being with you (ego stroking, sex, a reliable shoulder to lean on, money etc) even though they don’t actually want you or have no intentions of ever giving you the relationship that you want.

Often mixed in with Mr / Miss Unavailables, while some unavailable folk are super shady because they actively and knowingly seek to mistreat, exploit, and abuse people they’re involved with, not all unavailable people are assclowns, especially because their ‘fallback’ counterpart (the person they’re involved with) is also emotionally unavailable.

Baggage Reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way.

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